If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
