I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
