everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
