Im at strip club and am horny
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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