it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
