official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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