Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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