Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
