I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
