so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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