I love black thongs
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
