We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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