u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
