it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
