I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
