do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
