Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
