party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
