ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
