I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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