I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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