I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
