Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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