the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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