One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
