The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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