I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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