pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
