I want to walk on stilts...naked
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
