He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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