remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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