my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
