her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
and she was petting her beer can
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
