2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He did a backflip because drugs
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