i permit you to call me
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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