3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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