stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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