checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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