nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
