ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
