nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
