i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
