She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
