I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
