Apparently you make a good broom.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
