stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
