I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
