thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
