did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
