the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
