We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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