I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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