I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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