what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
