I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
